George Carlin 1937-2008

Update: In 2023, Google decided that this post went against Community Guidelines, even though there's nothing here that goes against any specific Community Guideline. So, BEWARE of being TRAUMATIZED by strong language on the internet instead of worrying about actual harmful stuff. 

"Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker Tits"

He never had a routine about words you can't blog.

George was the first person to host SNL. I did not know that until now.

Long Beach: Episode 3

Dodgers Game-- Dodgers vs. Cardinals. Aside from seeing Audra and meeting the family, this is what I was most excited about.

I'm pretty sure the Cardinals won 4-0.

Before the game we went to a Mexican place, met Audra's friends Kelly and Kevin, and ate chips and salsa while we were waiting for the bar to open. It was just across the street. I THINK it's called the Short Stop. They have cheap beer when there's home games. I didn't drink beer, I drank rum and Coke, naturally. My friends kept a glass in my hand. It was very nice of them. John and I chatted about British shows. What more can a girl ask for?

I remember there was a nickle in the toilet in the ladies room. There was some discussion on how to get it out of there and what would be the least gross way to do so and if it would be worth it. Raul is a pioneer for all abandoned coins.

After my rum and Coke I needed an Irish Car Bomb so I got Kevin and the bartender to join me and it was a beautiful moment. Audra didn't have faith. She didn't think I could do it. We've been apart too long. After the booze we wandered our way up a gigantic (at the time) hill to Dodger's stadium.

Once there we found the photo people. From what I remember it went something like this--

Lady: Do you want to take a picture?

Raul: Uuhh...

Lady: It'll be fun.

Raul: OK!

Then there was running so I just followed and jumped into the green screen shot. It's one of those things where they stick you in the middle of the field. Technology is great. And the pictures turned out great. They are a complete rip-off at $25 for a few pictures but they were too fantastic for me to pass up. It's my favorite momento from the trip. The boys look nuts and Audra looks saucy. I'm just sort of there.

This isn't it, but aren't they all so cute?

Our seats were fantastic. The whole thing was great fun. There was a funny drunk lady and we ate Kettle Corn. I didn't enthusiastically cheer for the Dodgers. I was already wearing a Dodgers shirt, I can only go so far into enemy territory. But I got to see good old Juan Pierre again. He used to be a Rockie. He's Juanderful....

Now I own a shirt I can only wear during the winter. But it was worth it to get into the spirit. I tried to Think Blue but it was kinda purpley.

I love this joke every time.

Penguins Go to the Zoo

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."

Long Beach: Episode 2

Saturday was L.A./Dodgers Day- We went to pick up Raul's pal John somewhere in or near L.A. which is not quite an hour away(?) So, just as we pull up to get John, Raul says to Audra something along the lines of "I assume you have the Dodgers tickets." Guess it's probably something we should have checked before we left the house rather than when we get an hour away... Audra didn't have the tickets but she bought them online so we were hoping to be able to retrieve them through her email. So we were on a quest for a Kinkos, and in the mean time my tour guides (John and Raul) drove around L.A. pointing out things that might be interesting. We went to In & Out for burgers, which were fabulous. Best burgers next to Good Times. Unfortunately neither of which you can get most places. We did find a Kinkos and print out of Dodgers tickets. All was well. It was funny.






We saw a few Scientology compounds. One was specifically for celebrities and it said so on the sign. It was very much like a fort. We saw the sidewalk stars. It's less impressive when you realize the stars are everywhere, like in front of a Bed, Bath, and Beyond. But it's still cool. There was the Guinness Records place, Ripley's Believe It Or Not, the Wax Museum, Kodak Theatre, Chinese Theatre, an abundance of tattoo parlors and shops of a questionable nature. We just did the drive through tour and in a few places that was more than sufficient. In addition to all the cinematic and world record fun, we saw: a guy peeing, a guy possibly having seizures in the street, a variety of drug addicts/dealers, and I assume a few good old fashioned L.A. prostitutes. But they were on a different street. John pointed out several places where they shot this movie and that movie. I don't remember most of them though. We also saw tons of really awesome houses. They might be crammed in there, but they are very cool. And of course we went to the Hollywood sign. There was the rock throwing entertainment, which you can read more about on Audra's blog. We climbed around on a hill, took some pictures of the sign and then went on our way. Then it was off to prepare for the Dodgers game!

Long Beach: Episode 1

Arrival, May 22nd: As I was leaving Denver, while we were driving to the airport we were more or less surrounded by tornadoes. I saw a small one in a field, which really makes one feel confident when boarding a smallish plane. The flight out was not all that pleasant. I went from Denver to Salt Lake to Long Beach. Flying in to Long Beach was not overly pleasant either. California was not its usual sunny self.
Audra and Raul came and picked me up from the tiny Long Beach airport and there were hugs a plenty and all was well. I was on the ground and with my best girl. We went to Shoreline Village (which, as it turns out, was my favorite place) and after a quick stop at a Pirate store, we ate at the Yardhouse. It has a massive list of beer on tap, some kind of world record or something. And the food is fabulous. We got to eat out on the patio even though it was apparently FREEZING by California standards. It's kind of worth it if you get to watch the sun set over the ocean.
After dinner we went home and I got to meet my nephew for the first time--

This is Wilson. Oh he's my little buddy. Look at the face. He's so squishy and cuddly. He's a little bit "special" but I love him more to make up for it. He's a good fella and we became friends quickly.

Wilson's keeper is Sugar. She's a big lady with a tail that could injure a small child. If she had a pinky her papa Raul would be wrapped tightly around it. She's a lot of fun, good with the tug of war and can chew things to impossibly tiny bits in record time.
That evening we ate ice cream and tried to watch Indiana Jones but like the party animals that we are, we pretty much all fell asleep about half way through.


On day 2, I remember waking up and watching the (early) morning news about all the California tornadoes that were flying around. Again, just about as I was flying in. No wonder the flights sucked! Mother nature was in a mood. Later that day we went to see the Long Beach Dirtbags play...someone, Fullerton maybe? Yes, Dirtbags is the actual name. I have a shirt to prove it. I discovered while I was there that Troy Tulowitzki is a former Dirtbag. I had no idea. Audra and I met her friend Katie and Katie's lovely sister, whose name I can't remember. Katie, embracing the California weather was wearing a puffy North Face coat. There was chippys everywhere in giant coats and hats and gloves and scarves. It was amusing. I don't remember now if the Dirtbags won or not. They were in it for the College World Series playoffs so it was a big deal. We left early though...

First there was a mist...then sprinkling, then rain, then more rain. My knees were very damp. We decided to move up a bit and attempt to wait out the 30 minute rain delay. However...when we moved up, we were just under the awning where not only the rain could still reach us but the excess water was flowing off the roof right to our seats. The row behind us was totally dry.
With all the fun we could stand and wet pants we decided to head home and dry off. There were raging curb rivers to cross and Audra being the hurdler among us fared pretty well. I accepted my wet footed fate. My pants were falling down because they were so full of rain. But, naturally the entire situation was hillarious to me and I didn't mind all that much.
It probably would have been disappointing and surprising if I had an absolutely normal trip to California. That would be so unlike us.
More to come....

For more stories, visit Audra's blog-
http://audrasmith.blogspot.com/2008/05/miss-locks-and-lots-of-rain.html
http://audrasmith.blogspot.com/2008/05/lots-of-little-things-for-big-weekend.html

Beginning of summer- part 1

We'll just start with the end of school and go from there. I'm no longer a full-time Tiger. School is out, and I hope I never have to do anything else that takes so long. I could go on a rant about what a rip-off and a waste of time it is, but I'll restrain myself. The important thing is that I am done. I thought I'd put up some pictures from the party. Judy and Katie hosted a party for me and Sister Alice. I graduated with a BGS, Alice is now a master of theology I believe.

The grads- I made hats for us since neither of us did the silly ceremony.

My guest list included- (aside from Alice, Katie, and Judy) Eric, Skyla, Jarrod, Sharla Hutchison, Lexey Bartlett, Dr. Goodlett (aka Uncle Dave) and Ana.

Jarrod wins for weirdest picture of the evening... I love it.

My buddy Ana. She did a wonderful job decorating my hat.

We ate hotdogs, we chatted, we ate more food, we laughed. I think everyone had a good time, but then I don't remember a time when we haven't.

Next up: Trip to Long Beach to visit Audra.