Last night's nightmare:
I was leaving a mall and walking to my car at the end of the
parking lot. It was dark and there weren't many people around. Something or
someone near the building was playing a clip of people fighting; it was very
loud and sounded real so a bunch of security people ran over. I kind of laughed
because I knew it was just a video or something.
As soon as they figured out it was not an issue I looked
down to the street through an opening in the parking garage-ish thing and saw a
bunch of people running and could hear screaming. Then I heard gunshots. I was
trying to get into my car with all my stuff. My hands were shaky because it was
very close and I was alone in a dark parking lot. I shoved all my stuff in the
car, got myself in, was trying to get it started and this line of cars with
armed hooligans drove past in slow motion like Boyz N the Hood or something.
I kept thinking to myself I really hope this is a dream.
Still unsure even though the dream STARTED with me hoping they didn't find out
that I was the one who killed Bruce Willis. (I shoved him off some sort of
service elevator in the parking garage earlier. I don't know why. Sorry Bruce.)
I wasn't sure if they were after someone specific or just
whoever was in the way. I waited for them to go out of the parking lot and
start down the street. They shot at my window but it was a tiny little hole and
I didn't have any holes so I continued my escape. I drove out onto the street
and turned left, because they turned right and I thought I'd not follow them to
their shootout. However, once I got a block away I could see the reflection of
dozens of inmate jumpsuits (safety jumpsuits, though) wandering around the
street. It was mildly like a zombie horde but they weren't zombies, just
people. I wasn't sure if they had escaped, if they guys in the cars had escaped
(though they weren't wearing jump suits), or what else was going on. I turned
around and took my chances with the other direction and woke up not long after
that. I thought to myself somewhere in there that it was like Escape from LA,
but Escape from 16th St.
I'm quite glad I'm
out of Colorado and am somewhere with less violence. It seems that I acquired
some anxiety about certain things I didn't have before. There has been a time
or two here on campus that I've heard the students messing around and getting
riled up, hollering at each other or giving each other a hard time. Until I can
tell that they're just screwing around, I'm nervous about it. I don't remember
a single episode on campus where someone fought or was violent in any way when
I was here. (I'm sure it happened, but nothing that I heard about. I think it's
more contained to living areas rather than on the main campus.) There's zero
reason to think that it's happening.
Just before I left
Boulder I was working at the justice center doing some computer upgrades. I was
in the Community Justice Services area. I believe they deal with people who are
on parole, sorting out certain family situations, stuff like that. People
sometimes aren't happy. Keep in mind, I'm working in an office that at one time
was a cell. It has a little sliver of a window (still more than we got in the
basement) and the only way out is toward the front. I hear an odd random noise
and someone from the front yell for security.
I surveyed my situation quickly and realized, in the event
that someone wanted to shoot people in this office the only option I'd have
would be to go toward that person. There was no other route.
It was a brief pause and flash of "omg...do I do something?"
But then I heard the security people come barreling down the hall and didn't
hear anything else so I figured all was well. But it was a similar feeling to
what happened in my dream. That anxious moment where you don't know what's
going to happen but you know some shit is going down.
I know things can
happen anywhere. Someone could try to blow up Coors Field, someone could shoot
me driving down I-25, someone could not like the look of me walking through the
park. For most of my life I have never had any significant of fear about these
things and generally avoid situations where I'd likely be in any danger. I have
more fear now. At work I'd think where I would go if someone came in the
building with violent intent. It was unlikely because we were in a secured
building full of comfortably employed people who don't sign off on any
policies. We only annoyed internally, for the most part. Not many irate
citizens are coming after IT and HR.
Some cope with this daily. Some voluntarily, some not so much.
I don't know when this anxiety became part of my life but
it's here now and remains even in Hays, KS where I'm unlikely to get shot
unless I'm wearing antlers in the trees.
Side note: I've
started watching The Haunting of Hill House so I was anticipating maybe
different scary dreams but not that!
