Seeing as it's nearly 5am and I haven't been able to sleep for hours after waking from a dream where someone was shooting at me, it seemed like a good time as any to do some blogging. Strange things cross your mind at these times. Such as: it smells like stale hippie in here, I wonder what he's muttering about amidst snores next to me, and I wonder if I'll ever find the perfect cupcake.
I also suddenly missed my grandma & remembered, as I have many times, that the year or so before she died I saw less of her than I had in a long time. At least this is how I remember it. Nothing unusual was going on & we never talked as much as some of the rest of the family. I'm not much of a phone person in general. But I also remember being not so in the "mood" for much family time. This had not 1 thing to do with her but that was just the deal at the time. I was having enough issues with the job I hated at the time & didn't have energy for my occasionally bizarre family. I wouldn't call myself a black sheep but I will go with "sparkly sheep." I have little in common with most of them & that's ok, preferable in most ways, but sometimes it's stressful for completely pointless reasons. I love them and I'm pretty sure they love me but I used to over think things more than I do now. I care about THEM but not what they believe or the decisions they make. I have as much input there as they do in my decision making. Since this may have resulted in me seeing less of my grandma when I had the chance it's definitely something I would have changed given the chance. But maybe it didn't make anything different, who knows. The last time I saw her I got a big hug as I was leaving to go to a birthday party for someone I'm not friends with anymore. Seems pretty lame now.
I don't have a time machine & thus is life.
I also suddenly missed my grandma & remembered, as I have many times, that the year or so before she died I saw less of her than I had in a long time. At least this is how I remember it. Nothing unusual was going on & we never talked as much as some of the rest of the family. I'm not much of a phone person in general. But I also remember being not so in the "mood" for much family time. This had not 1 thing to do with her but that was just the deal at the time. I was having enough issues with the job I hated at the time & didn't have energy for my occasionally bizarre family. I wouldn't call myself a black sheep but I will go with "sparkly sheep." I have little in common with most of them & that's ok, preferable in most ways, but sometimes it's stressful for completely pointless reasons. I love them and I'm pretty sure they love me but I used to over think things more than I do now. I care about THEM but not what they believe or the decisions they make. I have as much input there as they do in my decision making. Since this may have resulted in me seeing less of my grandma when I had the chance it's definitely something I would have changed given the chance. But maybe it didn't make anything different, who knows. The last time I saw her I got a big hug as I was leaving to go to a birthday party for someone I'm not friends with anymore. Seems pretty lame now.
I don't have a time machine & thus is life.
