❤︎ See you on the other side, Liesel

This is my friend Liesel, if you weren't in high school with me you probably don't know who she is. We didn't get to spend time together as adults, though we did get to reconnect. It wasn't enough. 

One of her defining characteristics was her eternal love for Ozzy Osbourne. I didn't have much of an opinion on him in high school, but I could see why she thought he was cool. (I have since gotten it together, obviously. Ozzy is eternal.) She wore a black leather jacket and gently towered over most of us. She was never loud, but she wasn't to be silenced. She was fearless, but in a serene way. She wasn't really intimidating, but she was difficult to read and ready with a sharp comment...if you were lucky enough to hear it. Looking back, I realize she, among other things, was a significant influence on my desire not to give a shit what anyone thought of me. 

I love and still cherish many whom I was acquainted with, but she was a true friend, which I didn't have many of back then. I don't recall how we met but she'd wait for me to hang out between classes, we'd have sleepovers, we'd spend hours on the phone talking about absolutely nothing until we fell asleep, we made use of the student phone number list when we were bored (not sorry to anyone we called), we shared music and she (of all people!) made fun of my love for Steven Tyler, and we did dumb stuff you're supposed to do as teenagers. She was my person for that time in my life. 

The other member of our unlikely motley crew, she knows who she is--we're still connected, was also a constant companion, and we three spent many a day at the creek when we were supposed to be in class. Our symbol was red feet because we would put our feet in the cold creek and they'd turn bright cherry red. 

When we did reconnect years after graduation, she still had that giggle, and we'd talk on the phone but she'd tell me about her kids and I'd tell her about whatever boy or work drama was going on. The topics were different, but the feeling was the same. She struggled more than she deserved but she still treated people well. I expect her level of patience and tolerance for snark came into play in her job working with seniors. She experienced teenage me, so that's probably good preparation for that. 😅

Even in my youth, I recognized how important Liesel's loyalty was. I remember vividly, still, one day when I came out of class upstairs in the main building, and she was there waiting for me. I didn't have to ask or hope; we didn't plan, she just knew where I was, and she wanted to spend time with me. It was the first time in a long time that it didn't feel like a struggle to have a friend. That is what I always remembered about her. I could always make her laugh. She would laugh and call me crazy, and I'd laugh and tell her she was crazy, and not once did either of us consider the other should be any different. 

She gave me the space to simply be me more than almost anyone I've ever known. There were no expectations. We never had baggage or drama with each other. She didn't care if I was boring or ridiculous. She didn't judge what I liked or didn't like. She was along for the ride, either way. The sillier, the better, really. Though it had been ages since we talked, I'm feeling the void, the space she no longer fills. It's like a wound reopened. I had intended to reach out to her on Facebook a few weeks ago, for reasons I can't remember now, and I forgot or got distracted and never did. I wish we'd been able to spend more time together again. I could have been a better friend along the way but I hope she knew she was always special to me. 

I had just started to be able to listen to Ozzy without crying but now we're kinda back to square one there but I'm going to listen for her: https://youtu.be/WCA0LyJ9r2g?si=vWcV7erRkP95x6KD 

Love you. See you on the other side.

Learn more about her life here: https://www.altogetherfuneral.com/obituaries/d-21388736/liesel-danielle-riehl-gruse/february-2026 

(I'd like everyone to know her shirt says I ❤ Slayer...and I hate you.)

Remembering Nancy

 

If you don't know Nancy, she's my step-grandmother, better known in the grandkid circle as Nannan. She held the honor of being the last grandma I had left. I didn't grow up with her, but we became family when I was a teen. She's been instrumental in my successes for many reasons. I didn't really comprehend how highly she thought of me until I was older. I'll share some memories so you can get to know her, too. 

Summer with Nan: Peaches, peaches, peaches. 

I'd occasionally spend some time in Grand Junction over my summer breaks. If you know much about her, you know she loved peaches. It was always a treat to have dinner out on their back patio--grilled steak, fresh corn on the cob, iced tea, and fresh peaches for dessert. They had a magical yard full of flowers and birds and critters, and I enjoyed time with their inside critters as well. Many pets ago, Sophie the fluffy orange cat and I were fast friends. Their dog also enjoyed summer walks and extra pets. I once got a letter from Nancy when I returned home, where she said one of the pets was "in seventh heaven," and my mother kindly explained that it did NOT mean one of them had died, but it was just that they enjoyed the extra attention while I was there. One of my favorite movies as a kid was All Dogs Go to Heaven, but I thought maybe it had a special number; I didn't know the phrase. I was not keen on the western slope summer heat, but the trip where she was watching the neighbor's house, and I got to enjoy the pool all to myself, I was the one in summer seventh heaven. 

We spent an afternoon once (though I'm not 100% sure it was in the summer) making Whoopie Pies. Those became a big favorite of mine. I could never quite duplicate it, but I do still have her handwritten recipe. My absolute favorite thing she made was her Christmas cookies. I was skeptical at first, as a connoisseur of thick sugar cookies with a hearty amount of frosting. Hers were paper-thin with delicate decorating sugar, and the snowmen had little redhots for noses. She mailed them a couple of times and was always worried they would break, but I always ate the broken ones first, as cookie law requires, and I'd save the snowmen for last. Maybe I didn't care for biting their little heads off? The process was arduous, and I've never even attempted it. I don't think I have the patience. She didn't make them often as she got older and there were fewer big Christmas gatherings but I think of them every year. Maybe someday I'll give them a try. I might have that recipe somewhere as well. I've never had a cookie like it. They have a potato chip quality, in that you just want to keep eating them for the satisfying sweet crunch. 

She enjoyed a shopping trip and liked to treat me to some nice clothes or things for school now and then. She was a girl's grandma, for sure! She enjoyed pretty and colorful things. From flowers and birds to fashion and bags. She always found treasures and trinkets, usually something I'd never seen before. She and my husband have very similar tastes in jewelry, actually. I hope she'd approve that many of the items she's gifted me over the years now live in his collection. He wears them much more than I did, so they get to be on display as they deserve.  

The last time I saw her was when I graduated with my master's degree in Education in 2023. She was slowing down a bit and appeared more fragile than I remembered, but was still thrilled to be there. There was no question that she was coming to celebrate with us. I didn't do the big graduation thing when I got my bachelor's degree, and she was very excited that I chose to continue my education. She knew it was always a struggle for me. It was with her support that I was able to attend the high school that I did; if you don't know about that, it's one of the most significant reasons I...am. She saw me through from start to finish and was cheering me on the whole way. If I didn't go to that school, I think it is highly unlikely I would be where I am now, and I would not have an advanced degree in Education. 

Nancy was generous beyond measure, and she believed in me at every turn. She always liked getting letters and she always wrote back. That was most of our communication over the years. Even though we didn't have the same relationship as I did with my day-one grandmas and were very different, she always treated me like I was important. We should all be so lucky to have someone like that in our lives. 

So, go do something Nan might do. Write a letter, wear your favorite colors, sit and watch the birds, make some cookies, get a unique little trinket for someone you love, enjoy a fresh peach (when we get to again), and make sure the people you think are important know that. 

The Rest of the Story: 2025 ✨

 What a weird time that was. 

I'm not sure if anyone was entirely immune to the "wtf" nature of this last year but there are always points of joy amongst the muck. 

The year started off losing my grandpa Harold; you can read about him in an earlier post. I don't know what happened in February and much of March. I'm sure I was there. 

April was when things really changed. If you don't know the story, this is the short version (though it may not seem it). After numerous last straws in Hays, America (that'll be a whole post on it's own some day) the final boss straw came up. 

After trying out every opportunity afforded by our rural hamlet, Jason thought he'd try one last time and apply to bag pick up orders at Dillons. Get some steps in, chat with the shoppers, no big deal. Upon his SECOND visit, this is important to remember, the interviewer mentioned that they "have a policy" and he'd have to "cover his tattoos", while gesturing to her face (with her tattooed arm). He asked if they'd like him to come in with a mask on or a bag over his head. It was too absurd to not be somewhat humorous (they didn't notice the first visit?) but also too stupid to be tolerable. Multiple cashiers have visible tattoos, even facial tattoos. It was a puzzling situation to say the least, with much that came before, but it felt like the last exit to somewhere. We had the discussion we'd had many times of "what now" and on Sunday night, our eve of our 10th wedding anniversary, I told Jason to call someone and see what we could get from our house as a start to an exit strategy. On Monday, we had a number and an interested party. On Tuesday, April 1st, we sold our house to some awesome youngins that thought "it was the coolest house they'd ever seen". Then the true madness began. 

If you noticed that our "strategy" above did not include anywhere for us to live, you'd be correct. It wasn't until after we signed the paperwork to sell our Hays house that we had a moment to figure out the rest of that strategy. We'd considered for many years getting back to Colorado but since I had not found a job paying, at minimum, twice what I made then, it wasn't even an option. That was the case for many places, as most people know. We had a list of basic parameters for where we preferred to be and Jason put those into ChatGPT and asked for some cities that met those expectations. It came up with Peoria, IL. I checked it out and it's got downsides but it checked most of our boxes. It's also important to remember neither of us have stepped foot in Illinois to any real extent. 

Jason found a house he was interested in on the old Zillow. I thought it looked interesting--it was old, it had big porch pillars, it was central to town, all pretty good on paper and very affordable. We contacted someone, we got a virtual tour via video call, and we started the process to buy it that week. The house is another drama all in itself (lots of undisclosed details and thousands of dollars of unexpected work) but that's the one we bought and we're making the best of it. It has much potential and is slow going but it's going. That left us with the next obstacle of me having a job in Kansas and a house in Illinois. 

We got the Hays house fixed up with much help, we got Jason and the (absolutely furious) kitties transferred to Illinois with much help, and I was able to spend most of the fall semester with my beloved Nuggets in Kansas thanks to my family giving me a place to live during the transition, and a conveniently placed bestie who was kind enough to host me on my ocassional "commute". After much longer than expected, but I believe in the time it was meant to take, I was offered a student support position at Bradley University just a few minutes down the road from my house. 8 months of uncertainty, exhaustion, and stress but with it came lots of support. I could write pages on what happened during that time, but that's enough for now. 

[If you want to read my Farewell to the Fort, you can find that on the HC blog.] 

Unfortunately, I also lost a great-uncle in the summer and another grandparent right at the end of the year (she'll have a post soon, too). It was a year of big changes and we're very lucky to be able to make those changes but when you move on to something new you're leaving something else. While we were excited about the new opportunities and getting to be somewhere that suited us better, there was a lot of loss and grief coming in many forms. We all know the world was WEIRD and most of us know why but there's so much uncertainly there that it's hard to keep from wallowing in that, especially when the rest of your life is kinda weird too. 

I've been HOME home for a month and I've finally been able to start feeling like I live here. My husband is glad for a break from his own cooking. My cats might finally be convinced that I'm here to stay. We've been able to explore the city a little more and are spending time with the Unitarian Universalist community and meeting some cool people there. (I don't feel like saying I go to "church" sounds appropriate but they call it that.) We both miss some of what we left behind but the silver lining of knowing people in higher ed is that many of them don't stay in one place for long. They're on the move and now we are the people they can visit south of Chicago, and they are scattered all about the country for us to visit. It's harder to stay in touch but we make the effort because we know people worth the effort. 

My new job is going well and the new boss is excited to have fresh eyes on their process. I think I can be of use here and I'm pleased I get to continue doing student support, even if it looks quite different than it did before. If I haven't mentioned it--the mascot is a gargoyle named Kaboom and it's one of my favorite things. Out with the black and gold, in with the red. One of their taglines is: Whatever you do, BE YOU. 

While I could write chapters more, these are the big plot points to catch you up. So, what have you been up to? 

If you know the saying....we'll see if it plays in Peoria...

Did I mention we live 5 minutes from the Illinois River?