Spaghetti Squash!

My new favorite thing.

If you're confused about it, like I was, here's what you do.

Chop off the top. I made 2 smaller ones today since they both fit on my sheet.

Cut in half the long way.  

Clean out the seeds and the stringy bits. It's just like a pumpkin.

Rub olive oil on the inside and edges. 

Turn them upside down on a foil lined cookie sheet. 

Bake at 375 for 30-45 min. depending on the size. 

Shred the inside with a fork, it should be very tender and easy. Toss the outside rind. 

Add sauce or veggies or whatever you would make with rice or pasta.

It's delightful, I promise!

The Good and the Bad: Being with Grandma at the End.

 

My grandma Doris Johnson died on July 19th, 2017 just a couple weeks after her birthday. She was not well for several years and a little so-so for years before that. She had diabetes; most of her problems stemmed from that and just getting older.

A couple years ago she lost some of the toes on one of her feet. She had to be in the nursing home until she was able to "learn" how to walk again without those little guys. That's the first place her and Jason met. It was quite the exciting day for the Sterling nursing home, I'm sure. Folks walked by her door in waves ready to look in and see the bizarre sights in Doris's room. She, of course, didn't say a word about anything that might have seemed unusual to her.

I had called her earlier to let her know we were coming. I said "he's got tattoos on his face grandma, just so you're prepared." She says "oh alright, well I'll see you when you get here."

Jason never knew her when she was big and strong and her hair was still dark. Granted, she was still 5'8 (technically, not that she could stand up that tall) when she died and still had lots of her dark hair left.

*Meanwhile, I already have white hair. :(*

I had gotten used to her stooped skinnier body and less squishy hugs. Otherwise she was always the same. She sure wanted to be at home though she wouldn't really have been doing much different if she was there. Grandpa had taken over dishes duty I think. My aunts, I assume, helped out with some of the other chores.

We'd gone to visit grandma several times in various hospital rooms in the last year. Jason patiently sat with us as we chatted about what everyone was up to or who had come to visit. She got a little more forgetful as time went on but just barely.

At the time that she made the decision to stop her dialysis treatments, she was fully capable of making that decision. I doubt there was much argument from the family. They're not arguers, for one thing, but also aren't big on extraordinary measures. She was already labeled as DNR so it's not a surprise that this is what she decided. I hadn't considered that it was an option so it was still a little unexpected.

We knew that her time would be limited from that point. I visited her the next day or so and she was doing alright. When you ask her how she's doing she always says "hanging in there..." No doom and gloom for her. In the next couple days she was moved to hospice at Eben Ezer. This was much closer to home and she knew more people there. The first night we stopped to visit we knew we were in the right place since my California auntie (who I was mistaken for a couple times, as well as mistaken for her daughter...it's understandable if my dad's not standing next to me) was in the parking lot. They showed us where the room was and hung out a little while. It was getting late but grandpa was still there by her side. She was obviously doing not quite as well as she had been the week before but she still knew we were there and could chat.

We went back every day and sat with her. It was the popular place to be. Her friends, neighbors, pastor, family, they were all in and out all day. She had a big window to look out and see the trees and squirrels. Grandpa had a special chair to sit in where he could lift himself up to help getting out of the chair. It was nothing fancy but it had everything she needed. (Coulda used some extra A/C but she didn't seem to mind.) We'd take turns in the chairs and the aunts rotated who helped at meal times.

Before we left on our last day grandpa came in just in time to help her with her lunch.

I had never considered that some day I'd watch my grandpa helping to feed his wife, wiping off her face, giving her tiny bites that she could manage. He helped her with her oxygen which she was constantly fussing with. He sat next to her and held her hand as she half-napped. At one point she started to fall asleep and her hand started to fall. She thought it was him moving. She woke up and asked if he was going somewhere. He said "no, are you?" She kinda laughed and said "no, I don't think so." I remember her saying "you better stay close." I'll probably always wonder if she said that knowing she wasn't going to be there for long or if she just didn't want him wandering off.

She kept asking him about the "smallest person in the room." We couldn't really tell what she was referring to. I said "well grandma I'm the shortest one in the room but not the smallest." She laughed and said "no, you're not small." Never did figure out what she was talking about. Also never found out why several times she reached up in to the air like she was grabbing something but there wasn't anything there. I'd suspect she saw some stuff that we did not.

After lunch I sat by her and told her we would be going soon because I was trying to get back to work for an interview. She just said "alright" in her grandma tone. I say it a lot in a similar tone. I can't tell if I was doing it before and didn't notice or if I started doing it more after that because she said it so much. She repeated it a lot since she'd drift in and out of conversations but she was still listening.

I held her hand. I couldn't really give her hugs anymore so I'd hold her hand instead. I was always worried about bumping something that might hurt her.

I told her I loved her and we'd be seeing her. She said "alright."

Later that evening she was gone. They said she would just fall asleep and it wouldn't be painful. I guess that's probably what happened. 

In the last couple weeks of her life she'd seen all of her children and grandchildren. She'd seen many of her lifelong friends. She'd talked to friends who were far away. She got cards, flowers, and prayers. She was fidgety and probably uncomfortable but not in much pain. She got to celebrate one last birthday. For her, I don't think she would have asked for anything more, under the circumstances.

I'm immensely grateful that I was able to visit her and still be able to talk to her even in her last hours. I would trade a whole lot to have had that with my other grandma. I was one of 6 pallbearers at her funeral, I was glad to be with her to the end.

She was devoted to her small church in her small town and never would have guessed how full it would be with people there to send her off. In fact, she probably would have thought it was silly to have so much fuss over her but she would have said "whatever works."

 

Lunchtime Theory: Money, Art, and Fire

I brought this up with my husband recently and since I was thinking about this for a few days I thought I'd get the words down.

There are 3 things we hold up as pretty darn important: (In general, as average human beings.)
Our happiness.
Our passions.
Our stability (most often via economic success in some sort.)

My theory on this is that very few people ever find all 3 in equal amounts.* I'm not saying it's good or bad, just that most people are leaning more toward 1 or 2 and away from another.
(*This depends on their methods of operation.)

The equations are like so-
If you're happy and work doing something you're passionate about, there's a good chance you don't make a bunch of money.
If you work for decent profit doing something you're passionate about, there's a good chance it doesn't make you as happy after a while.
If you're economically successful and happy, there's a good chance your passions and causes are less of a factor than they once were.

Yeah, I'm sure there's some guy out there who is sitting on his yacht full of joy about his Google stocks cash that he uses to feed stray cats or whatever but I'm talking about the rest of us.

This is particularly relevant to creative people. It's hard to just DO what you want when you also want to try to make a living at it.

If you want to be a economically successful artist (at least in the beginning) then you're probably going to have to be doing work on someone else's passions.

BUT. If you do what makes you happy and what relates to what you feel is the most important EVENTUALLY someone else will come along with some cash and say "hey! I also find this important and awesome! Take my money!" It's the side door to artistic success rather than coming up the front walk hoping that people feel your vibe.

Other people have different theories.
Some say don't get into a job involving something you love because it'll become corrupted and you'll end up hating it.
Some go with the "if you build it, they will come" plan. Risky, but I'm sure it works sometimes.
Some people find enough happiness in the non-passionate parts of life that they can make up for it.
Some simply just take the chance, do what they want, and if they make the money then it's great and if they don't then they're still happy.

It's not all about money though. People hold economic success at different levels of importance. It shouldn't be the same for anybody.
Income and/or affluence (lots of affluent people don't have normal "income" but have plenty of money) is problematic because it's wrapped around how society sees us, how we feel about ourselves, how healthy we are, how educated we are, how available we are, how free we are.

Think about how you react when someone cuts you off in traffic.
New BMW..."what a jerk!"
Junker rust bucket..."idiot!"
Soccer mom van..."pay attention!"
Same car as me..."grrr...oh look, same as me!"

There's so many layers here but I'll just tackle a couple. I'm also doing some grand generalizing. I know.
We see a nice car and assume the person in it doesn't really care about the rest of us.
We see a crappy car and assume the person in it is not too bright.
When we see a car similar to ours, or one we like, we want to form an alliance with them against all other dumb cars that are in our way.
We make assumptions based on this stuff all the time. It's lame but we do it.

There is a comfort level when things are similar to our realm of understanding. Somehow there is this expectation that others understand as we understand. There's also people who fall into the opposite belief that nobody understands them and nobody is like them. Neither of these is true or false. Isn't it a fun existence?

The point here is that if you are driven to create then you MUST create for yourself. If someone is paying you then it is not for you and you're not digging up what you really want to produce. Not at first.
If you want to make money, and you are attached to the creation part and not the outcome part, then give your skills to others and hopefully it equates to happiness. #Win
If someone sees enough of YOU and they see that sameness and understanding then they want to give you money to create for yourself because they understand that you represent them as well.

This is not to say that creating for yourself is always fun. It sucks. People feel like they can comment. On you. On what you created. People know that you don't go visit your friend with the new baby and say "oh wow...he's not going to be attractive." Nope. They cherish the spawn they have created and you appreciate that by not being a jerk for no reason.

Who do you know that likes every part of you? Not even your mama and daddy like every part of you. If you stood yourself in the corner of a gallery would someone come over and tell you that your pants are stupid? Probably not. They'll do it to art though. The art is the artist. The artist is the parent.
Basically...where do you get off saying what you like or don't like? You don't need to like it.
I don't like all your kids. Doesn't mean they aren't your most cherished creations that will hopefully be functional members of society who serve a purpose.

This relates to my life because I try to encourage my artist husband to do what makes him happy rather than what will be profitable. (Or at least I advise to separate the two.) He'd be pleased to make a living off of art. It's difficult. Not that he's known for taking the easy way in life but even so I try to sometimes make things easier in life when I can. If he was delighted to create a 9 foot tall sculpture out of soup cans in our yard, I'd say do it. Cans are pretty cheap.

People feel completely ok telling him if they don't like his art. My desire to make life easier for him in that situation is to start that person on fire. But that would make everything worse so I don't.
I don't know if people have the idea that he won't care because he looks like a badass or what. He cares but it's also part of the art package. Everyone is a critic. Don't even GET me started on the number of tattoo experts on the planet.

Why do we tell our kids that their unidentifiable creature on the fridge is amazing and tell adults that something they put their heart into isn't? Constructive critique is a different matter for an artist but I'm talking just regular random interaction here. We are both pretty harsh "modern art" critics but that's because it's not about the end result. It's about the PROCESS. Modern art is completely pointless unless you know who did it, in my opinion. If you don't know the meaning then you're just looking at nothing. It all has some hidden code or whatever. Once you know what the point is then maybe it's amazing. Maaaaybe it's still a swoosh and a dot but then at least you know why?

One moral of this I guess is: treat people like human beings regardless of how they look, specifically ones I'm married to or otherwise fond of, or I'll hate you and visualize you on fire.

I could say a whole bunch in relation to this stuff but it'd turn into a book and I have a meeting in a little while. Plus, there would probably be outrage and swearing and TMI.

In conclusion, if you don't love my husband and his art, that's ok. I know he'd paint in his own blood if he thought you'd appreciate it. I know how he feels about his art and how much he puts into it. He puts more effort into pleasing people with his work than I generally even consider doing. If that's not what's relevant to you then fuck off and watch out if you see me with marshmallows.

Alternate Realities

Driving home today I suddenly was thinking about what I would be in some alternate reality. You know, the me with a goatee. The you that's you-ish but different.

I guess there's levels, like pond ripples. The closest ripple is the nearest to the known reality. The far ripple is the way out there idea.

In the close ripple, I'm an engineer of some sort. I like taking things apart. I'm decent at putting things together. I problem solve. I'm no mathematician, which is part of the reason I'm not an engineer in the first place. I would have done very different things in life if math was easy.

Maybe a scientist. It's similar to engineer (probably crosses over a lot in some areas) but kind of from a different end. I ask all the dumb questions which, it seems to me, a good scientist has to do. They have to look at the obvious things and the not at all obvious things and figure out what fits. We live on a crazy planet where weird stuff has properties that effect other weird stuff. Like, who first ate something that made them think "hmm...this made me poop extra! I should tell the people I know who need to poop more that they should try this!" And then later we have drugs for that. It's all a puzzle and the trick is figuring out how to put it together without LOTS of the pieces.
I always liked science in school but I never did great because I'm not awesome with those kinds of details. I just want to see it and do it. I don't want to memorize it.

Stunt or monster truck driver. I have a heavy amount of faith in me and my car as a set. I'm a good driver and I'm not against crushing things. Can you not see it? I can. Big pink sparkly truck that shoots flames...

Perhaps if I was a boy I would have followed my father or grandfather. Building things, fixing things. If one can't build it and the other can't fix it, well then just burn it down. I don't have the patience for it, really. Dad makes awesome things. It's all very logical. My mother's SQUIRREL gene is stronger than my dad's building gene. He could build you a banquet table in his sleep. I couldn't even draw you one because I'd get bored with it.

Operatic screaming metal singer. Because. It's hard to scream-sing so much. They don't get enough credit for that. You have to have that talent in you.

Possibly a drag queen. I'd be fabulous. Magenta Sparkle and Her Merry Men.

What about you? 

Grandma's and Giving: Part 2

This is the giving part of the post. My grandmas always take care of me in one way or another.
Not everybody has a grandma to do that. I've had LOTS of grandparents. I'm lucky. (Not everybody's grandma is as cool as mine but ideally, grandmas are nice. Mine were all nice to ME at least.)
In my lifetime (whether I remember or not...) I've met NINE of my grandmothers, including my German great-great grandma. That's a lot. It's ridiculous.
Many of the people who are the worst off in our country are people who don't have family to help them out, for whatever reason.
I have limited funds to help out, but I don't have limited friends. So I wanted to share some ways you can help if you feel so inclined. These are pretty much all Longmont-centric but they are the places I'd give more to if I could. For any of these, they always need volunteers if that's your preferred method of helping. If you have stuff you want to donate but don't want or have time to take it, let me know. I can pick it up. If you want to give but don't want to shop, I can definitely handle that for you!

First is H.O.P.E. - (Homeless Outreach Providing Encouragement)
http://hopeforlongmont.org/
I've given to the OUR Center in the past but I prefer these guys now. They go out and actually hand things to people. OUR Center is more a place that people go to for help, the HOPE people seem to do more seeking out. Here is a list of their most needed items right now: Half this list I probably have in my house, you might too. If you can spare something, why not give it to someone who will put it to good use?

Second, is the Longmont Humane Society
You can find their whole wish list here, but I'll share some of the most needed items. https://www.longmonthumane.org/?q=wish-list
Urgent Need Items:
Milkbone biscuits, small or medium
Large Blankets (for dogs) sized to fit into a standard washing machine
Canned Fish & Potato dog food
Kundara dog beds- there's a link on their page to a donation program



Last, but not least, is the Inn Between. They offer supportive housing, services, and youth/education programs. https://www.theinnbetween.org/
Rather than donating items for the residents and those they support, they are asking for Gift Cards this year. It helps to empower residents to manage their own budgets. They prefer big box stores such as Target or Walmart because of the variety of things they can buy there.

I asked specifically about their education center (school for children of residents, or homeless teens.) and the teacher provided me with this wishlist:
Single-subject spiral notebooks
Large pink erasers
Couple packages of pencil-top erasers
2 or 3 sets of Multiplication/Division flashcards to give or loan to the kids
Healthy snacks are always appreciated!
Juices or small bottled waters
Apples (She says the kids like them and she'll sometimes bring them in with peanut butter- I'm thinking maybe apple sauce could be a good alternative as well since they'll last)


I might just get a few things from the lists this weekend while I'm taking the nieces shopping for their Christmas. I think they'd like to help me pick stuff out.

 

Grandma's and Giving: Part 1

Most years around Christmas it was common for folks to gather at grandma & grandpa's house.
There were lots of people, not enough bathrooms, and every surface that could fit a human was now a bed. Some treats were already made, some already delivered by neighbors and friends, some were still in progress. Grandpa always made, and still makes, fudge. My mother practically doesn't consider it Christmas until fudge is involved. There was always banana bread, peanut clusters, peanut brittle, and more. Not that we NEEDED all the variety, but we didn't want to leave anything out!

We always stayed up too late. We played games, watched movies & football, went out to shoot stuff or run around the prairie if the weather was nice enough. (It used to actually snow in December, if you young folk don't remember that.)
Taboo and Catch Phrase were two of the favorite games. I'm half surprised we didn't have a running chart of people who we "banned" from being on the same team. It happened at least once every game. Every now and then we'd have to pause to figure out if we were following the rules or not.

Once it got late enough the children would start getting ready for bed, assuming their bed wasn't where the grown ups were still hanging out, and things would mellow out a little bit. Not to say there weren't frequent intervals of "MOOOOOOM....I'm thirsty." Or "Mooooooom, Eathon won't lay down." Or pajama'd creatures creeping around for some reason or another, one being sleep walking which seems to run in the family.
Those of us that stayed up would grab some hot chocolate or grandma's usual, Café Vienna, and talk about whatever came up. More often than not it meant laughing until you hurt. The later it got, the more some laughed. Grandma was certainly one of those. We have pictures to prove it.
Once you got someone to snort (cough cough Diney...grandma cough cough) then it's like you won the game and moved to a new level. I'm certain I have a pretty high score.

Breakfast, of course, was always an epic undertaking. Biscuits and gravy were/are a favorite. You had to be at the front of the line if you wanted bacon. There's never quite enough bacon. Because if there IS enough bacon then someone will eat more bacon and if you haven't had any yet then you're out of luck. Is there EVER really enough bacon?
I have the reputation for being the moody over-sleeper. Doesn't matter how early I wake up or how pleasant I may be, I am still that.

Now, if it's really Christmas or Christmas Eve then you get to fill the stockings after the kiddos go to bed, then breakfast is the 2nd priority Christmas morning. Being the oldest grandkid I usually got to help with decorations, stockings and assist Santa. I made some of the stockings one year (meaning, added the name in glitter glue) and spelled my uncle's name wrong. It's still like that.
Grandma LOVED the decorations. The more the better. She liked working herself nearly to death to create more food than any normal family should be able to eat. The fridge would be crammed full, the counters would be crammed full, extra snack tables would be brought out, dishes were pretty much non-stop, the oven was on half the day. There was a constant in-and-out and putting on of coats and boots and someone yelling to take your boots off at the door and someone yelling about stepping on an ice puddle or a goat head because someone didn't take their boots off at the door. The dog was full of fancier-than-usual scraps from dinner. He'd get all caked with snow but joyfully romp with the children and herd them around. There was sledding and crying. There was loud talking and laughing. There was taking up and down of tables and shuffling of beds, suitcases, presents, children, food, cars, coats, dogs.

This doesn't really happen anymore. Grandma's gone and the kids are grown up and have kids. We'd need a compound at this point. I went out for Thanksgiving about 3 years ago but I don't remember the last time I was actually at the grandparents house. I have city Christmases now. It has it's own charm I guess. My ideal Christmas now is a pizza party with cookies. I'm trying to get folks on board.
I want to be excited for the season and all but it's dull excitement. Issue #1 is Christmas itself. I'm not Christian so....small issue. But I fully celebrate Solstice and yule and the general merriment of things.
There are twinkly lights and GLITTER is on, like, everything. That part is awesome. Me and my honey may create some sort of tradition but don't really have any specifically. I do have a tiny tree for the first time in a while. It's pink and holds dinosaurs, I do holidays my way. I hoping to get some colorful lights but I'm waiting until we get new windows in a week.

The moral of my story here is that Christmas isn't quite Christmas without grandma.
Grandma Jessie was the biggest piece of that. For me, anyway. The joy she got from Christmas (not to mention anything and everything else) was infectious. She loved finding just the right gift for everyone.
Grandma Doris will have her tree up as long as she's able to get those decorations on. (I suspect my decorative aunties will help her if she can't do it herself.) She will always have cookies. Regular and "her kind" which means diabetic friendly. She always gives practical presents. She likes the lights and the decorations but could do without the cold. Just like me.
Grandma Nan keeps on making those skinny sugar cookies I love so much even though I'm pretty sure she's been saying for years that she's not going to make them anymore. I mean, you can eat like 3 times the amount of cookies because they're skinny! And she decorates EVERY single cookie.

 

 

 

Useless Opinion

I know that as a childless adult my opinion about small/young humans is void on the internet but...hey, bummer, here it is anyway.
This is about that whole school policy saying parents aren't allowed to bring their kids stuff at school.
It's a Catholic boys school which means that this is likely the very least of their many problems.

 

 



Here's my issue: who the *F* are you principal guy to tell these parents what they can or cannot do?
~Hey, Jr. left his inhaler at home. WELL TOO BAD, JESUS WILL HAVE TO SAVE YOU. GO RUN THE MILE.
~Hey, I dropped the ball as a busy parent and had zero lunch food so I brought this for my kid to eat today. NOPE. GROWING BOYS DON'T NEED NUTRITION.
~Hey, this project my kid worked really hard on fell out of his backpack as he was leaving. DARN. GUESS HE'LL FAIL.

You get the point. I assume. These are the more worthy exceptions; I know it's probably more likely stuff that's dumb. Yeah, high school age boys should remember their crap for school. They can function as people. Some are snarky, lazy, wankers who want everything handed to them forever.
But people forget. All people. Big ones, small ones, all ones. How could this have become such an issue? Or maybe Mr. Principal just got a bug up his ass about not having anyone to boss around for a while?
If there's a kid who does this constantly, you talk to that kid. Makes sense. He needs help getting his act together. People won't always be there and he needs to think ahead. That's a taught/learned thing. News flash.
If the parents are constantly doing this regardless, talk to the parents. Don't just proclaim shit like you're emperor.

They say it's all in the name of problem solving. I get the point but, please.
You know what a BIG PIECE of problem solving is? Asking for help. Accepting help. SOLVING THE PROBLEM. They'll have worse problems to solve in their life, I'm sure. I don't think they'll sit there thinking..."GOD! If only my mom wouldn't have brought me lunch that one day! I'd know how to change my tire!"
If Jr. calls mom to bring him his lunch then why is it anyone else's issue if mom chooses to go out of her way for her forgetful son? They're teenagers, not senators. There's a reason kids tend to move away from home to go to college and whatnot. They figure it out in the real world if they didn't figure it out already.
If the parents are holding their hands the whole way then this won't make much of a dent anyway.

I have other points about how we create people who don't know how to ask for help and it screws over all of humanity but that's for another day. I need to go not get a parking ticket since my mommy doesn't pay them for me. #LearnedMyLesson

Fancy Cakes

When I was a little I'd visit my family in Akron, CO. They're mostly still there, I still visit. Some have passed away and some have moved away.
I'd stay with my grandma and grandpa more often than not and I'd see dad on his lunch breaks and when we'd go for an outing or a gathering or something.

Staying with grandma and grandpa meant you got to go to coffee! It's an event. Not just, "hey, I'm getting coffee." It's "I'm going TO coffee." Grandpa would go down to the cafe and get his coffee and sit and chat with all the other old guys getting their coffee. They'd all already read the paper but this was basically the extension of the news around town. We'd sit up at the bar and I would get a glazed donut and a little glass of milk. To this day, I would hurt someone for a glazed donut and a glass of milk. I can't really kick my feet so much while sitting in a stool now.

With grandma, we had a different routine. We'd go visit great-grandma in the afternoon and they'd sit and talk and drink coffee or iced tea. Great-grandma always had a little plate set out with Zebra Cakes, chocolate cakes, or Fancy Cakes, and I got a glass of milk or tea. To this day, I would hurt someone for a Fancy Cake and a glass of milk.

Great-grandma was a doll collector so I got to play with the ones that were ok for touching. She had one that was almost as big as me. When she died I was allowed to pick out two dolls from the basement. Being young and stupid I picked a Cabbage Patch (which I don't think I have anymore) and I think a stuffed bunny? I could have chosen any number of porcelain dolls or likely antique porcelain dolls.

Back at grandma's house we'd have lunch at noon when grandpa came in after he heard the noon whistle. They'd say their before meal prayer, which I did NOT understand until I was almost an adult. I didn't grow up with this so I had no idea. They've said it thousands of times. It's totally autopilot. I never thought to ask what they were saying. "Dear Lord Jesus, be our guest, bless this food prepared for us. Amen." It melds together into like 3 long words and said in a very mellow tone. This is how the German/Danish folk tend to do things.
Grandma always asks what you want to drink..."tea, milk, water, or what?" Same thing every time.
Just like she always says "See you in the funny papers!" and "It takes all kinds!" She's pretty much the cutest.

There were always cookies in a tin on the counter where all the extra coffee cups were. If I see a tin, I will assume there is something good in there. All tins contain good things. I'd have ice cream and cookies for dessert and I'd crush the cookies up in the ice cream. Still love it. I forget how wonderful it is until I do it. I thought of all this the other day and it occurred to me why I love Little Debbie cakes and sandwich cookies SO MUCH. Now I'm wondering if it also has something to do with my coffee cup collection, though I didn't really drink coffee until the last few years. She had tons of them. She has pristine cups that are as old as me.

Grandpa always has the weirdest foods one can find. He gets Spam for gifts. He'll pull out a bag of pork rinds or some random thing and offer it to you just to see if you'll eat it...cause it's "larapin."
Never knew what in the hell that meant and he wouldn't tell me. I finally read it in a Kinky Freedman book, of all places. There was almost always mint gum in the cabinet. I don't recall seeing him chew gum all that often but he always had it.

I remember staying at dad's once and he had Toaster Strudels in the freezer. I was pretty little still but I feel like that was possibly a defining moment in my development. When I'm a grown up, I can have a freezer full of TOASTER STRUDELS. Omg. There's little packets of frosting in there!
My father also taught me that cake and ice cream is, in fact, a meal and that peanut butter goes with hotdogs. Oh, you try it. Now days when I visit he'll sometimes break out the good old specialty of biscuits and gravy.

There's so much more but it's bedtime. Maybe I'll have a little glass of milk before I go. 

Nothing is simple. We live in the grey.

A few years back I semi-calmly texted my bestie to ask her whereabouts thinking she may have taken a break from work to go watch some of the Boston Marathon. She didn’t. She was on lockdown in her workplace nearby.

About a year and a half ago, I watched the news all day waiting for a name. When I got home I finally heard a dispatch recording say “stay with me, Michelle…” and knew it was what I’d been waiting to hear. I had to tell my now husband that his friend, a woman who had sat on my couch 24 hours before and whose belly he’d touched, had been attacked just up the street from where we lived and her baby was gone.

Weeks ago I sent a message to a friend to check in, knowing that she lives in downtown Orlando but likely (hopefully) wouldn’t have been in direct danger. What I didn’t yet know was that she could see and hear, from her home, the explosions of the police blasting through the walls of the Pulse nightclub.

Less than 2 weeks ago, I saw a friend’s Facebook update saying there was an active shooter in Denver. I assumed it was more 16^th Street Mall hooliganery. I texted my little sis to ask her whereabouts hoping she wasn’t out and about. She said she was outside and safe. I thought to myself “why the hell are you outside…?? How does that make you safe?” She was safer outside because the shooting had happened just above her head inside her office building, where her boyfriend—and also my friend, was sheltering in place wondering if it was the gunman or help at his door.  

Days ago I wrote a friend in Dubai to make sure he was ok and if he was anywhere near the bombings. One was hours away, but the other at the American Consulate was near him.

Days ago I Facebook stalked some people because I figured it highly unlikely they’d be downtown at the time but I wanted to make sure they were safe  at home in Dallas.

My point being all kinds of things…

If you think you are immune to these things, I hope that one day you are not proven wrong. I don’t even have that many friends and this is only a partial list.

None of these people mentioned are black or “blue.” Shit happens everywhere. This is what lies behind MANY expressions of #AllLivesMatter. Give people a break and talk to them (without being a condescending asshole) about why #BlackLivesMatters is important NOW and that it’s not the opposite of their sentiment. It wouldn’t hurt to talk about #LatinoLivesMatter, #NativeLivesMatter, and other equality movements while you’re at it. If you can’t see how it’s divisive, even though you understand the meaning support it, then you’re only half helpful.

It’s not always a gun issue or a race issue. Compounding on those when they ARE part of the issue is also religion, nationalism, mental health, poverty, drugs in many forms, & desperation of all sorts.

These things have happened before. There have been riots and protests. There have been bombings galore. Innocent people have been shot, guilty cops have been unpunished, guilty criminals have been unpunished, innocent cops have been shot. We cannot have a standard response on any side. Think about what you would do in any of their shoes whatever side you or they may be on.

Educate yourself to determine your position and don’t be swayed by mob mentality and peer pressure to use the correct hashtag. Have conversations with people about what actually happened, not about what the internet says happened. Read reliable news, not gossipy playground news.

We cannot instantly condemn someone based on their race, ethnicity, religion, or profession. Period. Any child could explain this. A black man killed by a white cop does not mean that one is guilty and one is innocent. I’m pretty sure this is why we have a judicial system.

You cannot assume that the judicial system we have in place is flawless and unbiased. You can hope but that doesn’t actually make one bit of difference. Oversight is necessary. They serve US. WE are their oversight committee. But we are not their judge unless we have all the information. If you see something, say something. If you didn’t see something, maybe say less.

In this country, when a mother wakes up in the morning thinking “I sure hope today isn’t the day my child gets a bullet…” Who is this person?
It is likely the mother of a young male with brown skin or it is the mother of a cop or a soldier of any color. Apparently, you can also add to the list: an average citizen of Chicago.

If you’re not black and you want to know the perspective of a black person, ask them.

If you’re not white and you want to know the perspective of a white person, ask them.

If you’re a civilian and you want to know the perspective of a cop, ask them.

If you’re straight and you want to know the perspective of someone who isn’t, ask them.

You cannot assign perspective based on another assigned label.

Want to know about Islam, ask a Muslim. Don’t ask a terrorist.

Want to know about the struggles poor people face, ask them.  Don’t ask a politician.

Want to know how mental health and addiction affect families and communities, ask those who suffer.

Want to know why someone is pro or anti-gun, ask them.

Want your representatives to make a difference, talk to them.

Want to know how to start to solve issues of race and violence? See above.  

Try not to tell people how they must react to what we are dealing with in this country. They are not you. They have different struggles, they are from different places; you don’t know what they deal with.
People can be VERY passionate about racial equality and ending racially biased police violence and not feel comfortable protesting. You can’t demand they do what you do to show support.  

Instead of “White/black/Latino/straight/gay/rich/poor people must do this to be supportive!” Maybe ask a PERSON what you can do for them. I mean, if you know a black republican gun owner (yes they exist) who faces racism they may have a different response than a Latino gay male who faces racism. Also, they’re different people so…just talk to them. Talk to your community organizers about how to engage and promote change and maybe make sure they actually represent the community you’re talking about.

In all things, honesty helps.
For example: If you’re in a heavily Caucasian community but you feel drawn to support a black community, then go to them. They aren’t going to come to you. Look for a church, look for a student group, say to them…I’m not in this community, I’m not sure how to support you, what can I do?

If you’re drawn to support the LGBT community, go ahead and change your profile picture to rainbows, it doesn’t matter where you start and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. Find a local PFLAG chapter or Pride organizers and volunteer for an event.

If all you feel you can do is to not be an asshole and encourage others to not be assholes, do it.

Longmont foods and the continuing Benedict saga.

This is the Traditional Eggs Benedict from City Cafe. They were good. But they still can't beat Leenie's Cafe. I don't know what they do there. Next time at the City Cafe though I really must try the Granola crusted French toast stuffed with sweet cream cheese, blueberries, and lemon curd. I only witnessed it's beauty before. But some day I will try it myself.

This is from months ago or so but here you go. Mom and I went to Jefe's downtown to try the new tacos. Tacos are overpriced but taste very good. It's somewhere I'd be more inclined to go drink and have snacks rather than a place to go eat a real meal. (Since I don't really drink that's a slight issue but it's just a tip for anyone who likes tequila. They have lots.) It's very hip. These are delicious. Fried avocados. I recommend getting those for sure.

I judge food.

Once I find something I like a lot and I kind of know how it's put together, I can properly judge it.
Some people judge a place on their margaritas or something. I judge a restaurant on it's Reubens. Bread, corned beef, all the fixings. If it's not good then you didn't try very hard.
I now have promoted myself to judging a restaurant on eggs benedict.
For this, I blame Elan, because before he made it for me in my own little kitchen I'd never had it before. It was amazing. Flavors happened! Yum. He's great, that kid.

The first place I ordered it was at Leenie's Cafe. It was pretty perfect. Sauce was flavorful & the ham was very good. I also recommend their rice pudding, (Vera's Breakfast Pudding) warm with fruit. It's very comforting on a gloomy day.

The second try was at the Longmont Egg & I. It was the Hiker's Benedict. It had diced ham, tomatoes, asparagus. It sounded nice.
It was edible. But it wasn't good. The english muffins weren't quite toasty enough, it wasn't hot enough, and it was blah. Bacon was good. Potatoes were good. And they give you coffee in a pot so you don't have to wait for them to bring it to you. I dig that.

I will continue to try them and see if I can find an acceptable substitute for Chef Elan.
I will keep you updated. I know you want to know.

Today.

It was quite a day.
This morning I saw my dear friends. We mourned with them. We listened as they told stories.
We attempted to comfort a new friend as we said goodbye to her husband, who we'd just barely begun to know. However brief it was, it still was.
Frank Sinatra was played as we said our final farewells. I knew we would have been friends.
I met a grieving father who said he'd always worried if his son would "find someone" and he was grateful that it happened, it made him happy. He also said "I never shake hands with beautiful women, I hug them!" I got several hugs.
We went shopping for comics in a giant warehouse. I had a joyous husband. We drove in the rain and snow all day.
Tonight I saw classmates I haven't seen in almost 20 years. I may hardly ever see them but they are truly family. We spoke about old times, new times, gardens, teachers, kids, absent friends. Some we will see again. Some we won't.
With the bad comes the good; in all things.
A lot of beings have left this realm of existence far too soon, far before their time. It's a gift to be able to take time with the ones still here. We should take advantage of that.

Rest in peace Jim. Rest in peace Trevor. Rest in peace Aurora. 

Have you ever collected anything? Why did you start it and what made you collect that particular item?

Oh yes. I've always collected something.
When I was little I collected angels and rocks. I have no idea why I collected angels. I just liked the idea of them I guess. They're protective but mystical. They are represented everywhere though, if they exist, can not be seen. Or maybe they can. It all depends on someone's definition and interpretation of what an angel is.
I'm not really into them now. I grew out of that collection.
I collected rocks because rocks are cool and I still collect them. You can get them for free if you want regular rocks. You can find jagged ones, smooth ones, big, small, stripey, speckley.
I remember one little pinkish rock I had that I always thought looked like a tiny school bus. I wanted to carve them. I never did.
They're easy to carry around and they look cool just sitting around.

I collected dice for a while. It was very small and I had no reason for it other than I like little piles of things. I had some super tiny ones and a giant one on a keychain. I think that's what started it.

Duckys were a big phase in collecting. I don't collect so much anymore but I still have quite a few. I give them away sometimes to people I deem worthy of getting a duck. My grandma gave me several of them so some I don't let go. I always really liked ducks. Duckys were just a natural progression. My friend Jen sent me a tiny one when I lived in Arizona and I think that's what got it started.

A couple years ago when the mini My Little Ponies and mini Care Bears came out I had a set going. I never finished it but I love them!

Smurfs. Obviously. My dad has collected Smurfs for as long as I've been alive. I have no idea how or why that started but he's got buckets of them. I like to call it my inheritance. Though grandkids have been playing with them for a while now so who knows where they all have ended up. He has the houses and the whole set up. I still give him random Smurf stuff (from the original Smurfs, not the new creepy ones) when I find it in the thrift stores. I collect them when I find them and anything with them on it. Same goes for Muppets. I'll try to find original Muppets gear but it's pretty hard and there's quite a bit of newer stuff out. Specifically, I like the glasses. Which leads me to....

Glasses. I collect the old Pizza Hut/McDonalds style collectors glasses with characters on them. Any of the old character glasses I'll get if I find them reasonable enough but some of them aren't cheap anymore. At least for one cup. I hunt for the Smurf and Muppet ones. I deeply regret not buying a Popple set I found in Sterling once. We've also found a Star Wars set. I've got Star Trek glasses and shot glasses. Smurf shot glasses. Peanuts and Garfield mugs. (I heart Garfield.) I love glassware! Ironically...we use almost no glassware in our house because one of us living here has a Phd in breaking delicate things.
Some day I will have a shelf though. It'll be in a very sturdy corner. Aside from my Smurfs and Muppets, they are my favorite collectible.

Currently, we've gotten into the Pop figures. We resisted for quite a while but then Supernatural got a set and that was out the window. We pick up random ones here and there but completing the Harry Potter family and Supernatural family is essential! I've started on the Bob's Burgers set.

Last but not least.....Legos! My step-mother Anita is entirely to blame for this. She gave us Hogwarts for Christmas or something a couple years ago and it was so amazing that we've never stopped. Legos are the best ever. We have several Lego ships. Ninjago, Chima, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, pirates, scuba guys, Lego Movie, and Lego Dimensions (PS4 game, it's super awesome and I recommend you buy it--you get a game AND little figures!) aaaaand...lots of miscellaneous mini figures. They are fun to have even if you don't have sets.

And that's just me. It's a full house here folks! But it's a pretty darn fun house.

You can find a way to get "Go to Winchell's!" in my obituary, surely.

This is from a long time ago. We were in Boulder and decided to try the Dunkin' Donuts because everybody always talks about how awesome DD is.
Well everybody apparently has low standards for donuts.
People think Krispie Kreme is heavenly. This only proves that anything warm and comforting will immediately be thought of as superior to other things. They taste like oil. They're ok but I don't like quasi-chemical aura on my donuts.
Dunkin' Donuts was hugely disappointing. Not only was my donut NOT good, it was borderline icky. I have a motto in life and it is "even a crappy donut is still a pretty good donut." Which is why you can see that I'm still eating said icky donut.
It was dry and bland and bleh. I also got a chai because "oooh Dunkin coffee is sooo awesome." Nope. This doesn't apply to chai, at least.
It was gross. It was LOTS of sugary syrup with...I don't know what...I assume water. It wasn't even like the fakey chai that everyone has. It was pretty much the grocery store machine latte but not as good. For 3 times the money.
I will give the brand new Dunkin Donuts a try once it opens up here in Longmont but I likely won't return to the Boulder location.
I'll always prefer Winchell's anyway.

We also have VooDoo donut commentary.

We had a video #1 that may or may not have been better than this one but it wasn't actually recording I think.
Enjoy watching Jason eat a bag, he judged DD less harshly, and me with the most disgusted look you'll ever see on my huge face.

Comics for the non-comic reader

That would be me. Comics are too hard for me to follow. I'm not accustomed to reading things not on lines and there's a lot going on to distract me.
I've tried some but I don't make it very far. There are a few exceptions:

Buffy and Angel- the ones that continue straight from the show, not the other stuff. I'm sure I'd like those too but I just haven't read them yet.
One needs a degree to decipher what to read in what order but if you like the show you'll like the comics. It'll fill the void that comes without any of the shows still on the air.
http://www.buffycomics.hellmouthcentral.com/

Vimanarama- Simple, colorful, clever, big handsome gods. It's only 3 issues so I got through it.
I don't know what happens in Grant Morrison's head but it makes for interesting reading.
http://www.vertigocomics.com/graphic-novels/vimanarama

I'm currently reading through the Supernatural Origins stuff. It's, of course, awesome. It's about dad before the boys were big.
http://www.dccomics.com/graphic-novels/supernatural-origins

I just barely started on Hellblazer but I really like Constantine and I'm hoping to read more of it eventually.
http://www.dccomics.com/comics/constantine-the-hellblazer-2015/constantine-the-hellblazer-1

Zen Ghosts

I found this book yesterday at Barbed Wire Books on Main St.  I had to buy it.

It's one of the most visually delightful books I've seen in quite some time. 

It's about a panda and his friends telling ghost stories on Halloween...mixed in with an old zen folk tale. 

Beautiful watercolor art. Check it out. 

http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Ghosts-Jon-J-Muth/dp/043963430X

500 Writing Prompts

I finally found this book again at Barnes and Noble and THIS time I bought it!
I finally have a minute to blog things so...here goes. Starting off with a very serious topic.

An alien has just abducted you. Give three reasons why it would send you back to Earth.

1. I wont stop talking about Supernatural and asking if I'm going to be home by Wednesday night.

2. I need too many snacks and don't like their space food. OR I like their space food a LOT.

3. I must spread the word about them coming in peace. I will arrange to be on Coast to Coast and I will have many followers.

Best Pie in America

I'm a couple days in on my Village Inn experience so far and it's not going too bad considering I have zero experience in this stuff.

Day 1:
Cracked 90 eggs, made 6 quarts of French Toast Batter- good.
Used 5 gallons of buttermilk and 26 pounds of flour to make Buttermilk Pancake Batter- good.
Multigain Pancake Batter, which smells delightful by the way- perfect.
Brown sausage & make Country Sausage Gravy- good.

Day 2:
Learned how to top pies with all the pretty stuff- Ok, but need a little more practice. It's not rocket science.
Chopped parsley and mixed with parmesan cheese to make the coating for the "Grown-up Grilled Cheese"- Disaster.
Yep. Oh well. Now I know to look 50 times instead of 30 at your recipe in case you're doing it BACKWARDS. I looked so many times too...

Watching the amount of food that goes in the trash makes me assume one must be a heartless son of a bitch to become management there and allow that to happen...but everybody seems pretty nice so far.
They must certainly block out the fact that they could feed hundreds of people with what we trash.
And I'm not talking about the mistakes. I'm talking about the perfectly good stuff that the cooks make so they learn to do it properly and then we throw it away because there's not 20 people sitting out there who want to eat 5 meals a night.
Why they don't let the staff eat it I do not know. That would be just too uncorporate of them.

The pies DO get eaten at least. So I'm told. They aren't total monsters at least.
The servers get to eat them.
Don't know when I'M gonna get a damn pie but apparently if I have the fastest prep time on certain items I will win a free pie a week for a YEAR! I gotta at least try for that.

The day shift is 3 dudes I think, and evening shift is me and an older goofy lady (who may or may not be a former neighbor from the Asylum) so I feel pretty confident about my time.
Our trainer said we did much better with the pies than the guys did.

My toe is numb at the end of every day. So that's new.

 

WWYD?

We didn't win the Powerball last night. Neither did any of you poor suckers.
But it makes one ponder...what exactly would you DO with 500 million dollars?

I have this journal that I write things in stating what I'd do if money was no object. The realistic things, not the ridiculous things. There's a difference even if you do have millions of dollars. I thought of one yesterday while I was pushing my cart at work and I thought to myself "I gotta remember this to put in my book! I'm gonna forget...I gotta remember."
I forgot.
I don't have the book in front of me at the moment but at least one thing in there is- Kitten Sanctuary. Because, kittens.
(Which reminds me of my dream last night which felt like HOURS of tornadoes...but I was going to the neighbors house and throwing all their cats in the basement to save them. They didn't seem to care about the impending windy doom but I tried anyway. There were so many.)

First thing's first- I'd find a house. Don't know where, maybe here. There's one for 16 million just outside town...I don't think I'd dig that one though. I want a house with sections and nooks and stuff. I don't know how to describe it other than...like a fancy Weasley house. But, you know, ranch style. Can I just buy the Weasley house and reassemble it??

I like my current car so I don't really need a new one of those until it dies of very old age. I could paint it though! I could make a Rockies mobile or something. That would be awesome. Todd-mobile! I wouldn't mind having a couple classic cars. 57 Chevy Bel Air, preferably hot pink with sparkles, and a 67 Impala--black, obviously.

 

 





Jason would like a hearse so we'd probably look for one of those too.

Once I moved in to my Weasley home, and bought some real furniture and stuff, I'd get a doggy and a kitty and they'd be friends.
I saw the cutest little curly haired doggy this morning with a little coat on with bear ears. He was with his person who was a relatively large darker skinned guy (which I mention because it's not what comes to mind in Boulder and I'm painting you a word picture here) with funky pants and pinky heart sunglasses on. He had a jaunty walk. I liked his little dog a lot. They looked fun.

Oh I'd pay off my student loans, I guess. That would be nice. I have minimal debt other than that, since my Target credit limit is low. What I wouldn't give to have it go away. It's less than many have but it's more than I can deal with so it's not getting paid any time soon. Take that, Navient. SUFFER!

Of course, I'd want to help out my friends, family, and community but THAT would take much reflection and decision making to do the best thing. I'd start college/life experience funds for a few young folks I know, for sure. Past that, I'd have to give it a lot of thought. I have ideas. Some of them are in my book.

Do I open businesses? Probably. Do I buy property? Probably. Do I start non-profits and find the perfect committed people to run them? Probably.

In theory, I'd stay here at Boulder County until they replaced me. They CAN NOT do this without me, period.

I'd go visit all my friends & throw a big party & buy a new god damn phone.

What would you do?

 

Top 10 movies

I may be starting this too late for it to be sensible, seeing as it's a very difficult topic, but I'll give it a go. I haven't made a top movie list in quite a while. I'm going with the ones I'd not be able to get rid of rather than a well thought out list of uber quality or culturally relevant films. This is a fluffy list, not a professor list.

In no particular order-
Ghostbusters
Harry Potter (they will all count as one and you'll just have to deal with it.)
Muppets from Space
Home Alone
Stripes
Wayne's World
Vegas Vacation
Pirates of the Caribbean
Halloween
Scream