My apartment is too cool for me to have to deal with such morons!

But apparently the morons don't know that. Perhaps I should post a flyer or something.

There's a noisy neighbor. There's always a noisy neighbor. Occasionally people freak out completely (usually for good reason) and then create way more noise than noisy neighbor was making in the first place. It might make you feel better you silly wanker but it still wakes the rest of us up. I don't know why I can't just like by nice normal people or Mexicans that like to cook outdoors but whatever. Here's what I'm dealing with.

The 8-
There's me. I'm on the end. I have the best apartment other than the one on the end right across from me. He's on the neighborhood side and I'm on the 9th St. side so I get a little more traffic noise. But I like the traffic noise.

Crazy guy- Talks to his cat. Loud enough that I can hear it from my apartment. He looks like he's about 13 months pregnant (guy, not cat) and when it gets nice he's kind enough to show off his goods. He picks grass up with his ass and falling down pants aimed right at my big front windows and IF I'm lucky, he'll be doing some shirtless toe touches in the morning sun. With the cat. He seems....off. Like if he was a little twitchy I'd assume I was going to be shot in the night. But I think he's all smoked out of his mind so he's alright. He also has a spitting habit, which he'll display out in our common area so I can hear all the snot. I think he might be a painter of some sort because he has art all over his walls. He seems interesting enough, as do his giant-knife wielding pals, that I'm sure there's some sort of story there. I hope so at least. Otherwise he's just a freak.

Next to him is the Douchebag- About my age, seemingly no normal job, highschool students in and out all day every day. Parties every bloody night. Has no concept of "don't hang up posters at 2 in the morning or crazy guy will come punch you in the face." That happened. It was one of the more amusing yelling fights I've ever witnessed. No idea what this guy's deal is. He's not a total drugged out freak as far as you can tell by looking at him but what the hell is he doing??? Is he a drug dealer? Does he live off his parents? If so, why not live off them somewhere else? I don't think he's a student cause he just doesn't seem the type. I have no idea. I know he's a douchebag, that's all. There's a vampire theory as well but I've seen him out in daylight now a few times.

Next to Douchbag is Jeff- Jeff smokes and has messy hair. This is all I know.

On the end is some chick and possibly her boyfriend. They don't open the door, they don't open their windows, I see them park the car sometimes. No more is ever seen or heard of them.

On the end of my building is the older lady. She grills in the summer. She might be a groomer or something. There's a sign on her van but I can't remember what it says. She seems ok but I don't see much of her either.

The "nice" neighbors- The only ones I've ever spoken too past a single hello. Interesting folks, nice enough, socially strange perhaps but there's nothing wrong with that. They have a new cat. At least one is a geek and/or a nerd, I'm not sure about the chick though. She seems a little more hippy maybe. Hard to tell. Mr. Nice was the latest one to flip out at the Douchebag. I kinda thought he'd break down the door, which would have been bad but more interesting.

Between me and the Nices is mystery girl. I do prefer her to skinny bitch (wouldn't even attempt to say hello, closed her blinds at the slightest hint of social activity, and looked overall unpleasant) and the stomping children that woke me up every morning just before she moved away. I've never seen this new person. Not once. I see a car so I know someone is there. She's another one that never opens the door or the windows or anything. Do these people not need light or air or what?? So freakin creepy.

Anyway....I don't know why they all must be there not adding anything to my existence but they are. Cool apartments should come with cool people but this seems not to be the case.
I invited all the ones who were living there when I moved in to come to my housewarming party and no one came. So eff you all. The nice ones said they would have come but already had plans. Thus the reason they are the nice ones.

I hope everyone else has better luck with their neighbors but I know that's not really the case. I think my landlord screens people kinda like my bosses: Hmm...you don't have a shotgun in hand, a needle in your arm, or any color in your skin so you are welcome here.