Oscar Night Part 2

I covered my Oscar party, now I thought I would cover the actual Oscars.

Best dressed: Helen Mirren, hands down. She is the coolest lady ever for several reasons. (When I say "ever" I obviously mean, "aside from Dame Judy and Maggie.")

Worst dressed: Mrs. Day-Lewis. What the hell was that thing on the front?? And the bows? What is the matter with you woman?

Most exciting win: Tilda Swinton for best supporting actress. That's the only person I was really pulling for. I would have been very excited to see Johnny or Viggo win in their category but for one thing I wouldn't have been able to choose between them and I knew Daniel was going to win.

Best acceptance speech: Tilda Swinton, because she's funny and awesome. 2nd place goes to the little Irish chippy that thankfully got a second chance. Way to class it up Oscars.

Best musical performance: The winning song from Once was lovely, but I think that Raise Me Up was awesome. As I said to the gals, it takes gospel to get so many black folks at the Oscars.

Speaking of diversity, how about that French chick? I've been wondering if the leading actress award has ever gone to someone in a foreign language film before. It was a multicultural event and it was very excitng. Did anyone see Javier Bardem's mother? Does she looks like an awesome lady or what? She had all KINDS of silver on. I like her.

This year might have been the lowest rated but it was a great show. The obvious mistakes I think we're limited to 2. Neither Whoopi nor Steve Martin were given any time in the host montage. I know they had good moments. Also, the more obvious omission was Brad Renfro from the dearly departed list. He might not have left in a blaze of stardom but he was still somewhat of an icon and should have been included. The whole "we can't include everyone" line is a load of crap. Also, what's his name from Jaws was left out but should appear next year.

Oscar Night

I was glad to have attended my first official Oscar party this year, and luckily it was a fairly good show. It was not a black-tie event at the McGyver house, but it was a fancy hat event complete with costume changes. We also wore special shoes. Due to a recent shoe incident with Judy, we all wore two different shoes. It took Judy about an hour to notice. But to be fair, she was distracted by Harrison Ford for part of that time.

Judy won the big bingo prize as well as the award for Best/Most Hats. Katie had the most dramatic/ridiculous costume change of the evening.





Malcolm tried for best supporting actor...and was unemotional over his loss.


I was the big winner of the evening, with 14 correct educated guesses on our Oscar ballot.

I won the Hays Movie Critics of America Annual Award, and a note pad from 1987 with a poopy baby on it. (It says "Oop. More poop." It's great.)

Let me explain by telling you what my official winning message was, presented to my by Sister Alice (aka : The Hays Movie Critics of America Annual Award Committee.)

Congratulaions winner!

Because you live in Hays, Kansas, where no Academy Award nominated films are ever shown, think can only mean one thing:

YOU'RE FULL OF IT!

We therefore hope you enjoy for the year 2008-2009 this traveling trophy especially designed to honor you and all those like you.

My acceptance speech should be below, we'll see how the technology works out. If you can't hear it I thank Entertainment Weekly, and it cut off before I thanked IMDB and my mom. AND you get to hear the Laugh of the Katie. It's not just a myth.

There's not a bad enough curse word to cover this.

So basically this is the deal. The female ref couldn't officiate because it is the OFFICIAL POLICY of the school that women can't have any authority over men. Men must learn from men, and women must learn from women.
How I hope the school gets struck by lightning. I hope someone gets fired. I hope they change the rule. I hope there's at least SOME parent that's not a mentally unstable person, and that complains about this god damn rule of theirs.
They have a lot of work to do because now they have to fire ALL of the nuns who have been teaching boys. They obviously have to outlaw mothers in general because who has more authority than a mom? The ex-cop ref is gonna have to stay home, and while we're at it we better rid the world of female cops all together. They even give the women weapons! How can this be!!??
I bet the people who made this rule are god-loving good old fashioned red-blooded Americans....who would be fantastically at home in parts of the middle east where women aren't really allowed to do anything at all.
We should probably just stop educating females because they are just going to want to start reading and voting and feeding themselves.
I really don't understand how the world works. How can these people exist? If there WAS a god, they wouldn't. They are just messing up their own agenda.
I'll give somebody a dollar to go paint "Vaginas rule" on the gym floor. The school is called Saint Mary's for fuck sake!! What, was she a drag queen??? Sounds like a drag name to me.
Burn in hell you stupid stupid humans.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Kath

Valentine’s Day, having come and gone, makes you realize a couple of things. Specifically, that a corporate holiday is telling us when, how, and how much it costs to love someone; and that a great many people are very confused about “love.” I personally thank the gods that I don’t have to witness any direct male attempts to subdue my apparently uncontrollable feminine desires for chocolate, flowers, and jewelry.
I greatly prefer my realm of love—romanceless and authentic.
This leads me somehow to my point: I occasionally take stock of my assets. By assets, I don’t mean my cherished DVD collection or my irresistible charm. I mean things (people, in this case) that add value to my average existence.
Taking stock of one’s friends sounds kind of shallow at first, but it’s actually the opposite. I’m not sitting here laughing maniacally, basking in the glow of a million friends. I’m sitting here happily considering how lucky I am to have such nice people to fill the gaps that nice people are supposed to fill in life.
The specific group for this topic is: My Sisters. (Shown in order of appearance, more or less.)

My Old Lady/Twin Sister- Amy Louise

We spent many years, once upon a time, like an old silly married couple. With relocating and adolescence, we lost touch. We have recently re-touched and once we’re within a more reasonable visiting distance good times will be had. We have the balance between reminiscing (we met in 3rd or 4th grade), and pondering the present and future. Things are communicated via our ancient link and it’ll always be up and running. We have seen each other a grand total of 1 time in the last 7 or 8 years. But it’s as if we never lost a day. She’s someone else’s Old Lady now officially, but I was still there first.

My Past-Life Big Sister- Jane #1

(There’s more than one, so she gets a number. The Amy’s have them as well.) For Jane and I to have been actual siblings, there would have been some real funky genetic engineering and experimentation going on. She’s much nearer my grandparent’s age bracket than mine. But ask me if that has ever mattered. She’s been with me since high school and I can just about guarantee that she always will be whether it’s on this plain of existence or another. Time with Jane is always well spent, period. There are no variables there. We could be cleaning the sewers with a toothbrush and we would have a splendid time because every day I spend with Jane is a day I wouldn’t have traded for anything. I recommend that everyone have a Jane of their own, it’s like having a personal Yoda minus the pointy ears and the funny grammar.

My Brown Sister- Danielle (Homie)

Neighbors, to roommates, to family. She’s the kind of friend that everyone wishes they had. She takes care of you without being parental. She’s generous and giving when you don’t even know you need it. She’s there when you need her. She’s like a big waterfall of comfort. She’ll also laugh at your jokes. She makes the people around her feel special, and you can’t really ask for more than that from anyone. People have heard the phrase “Lord, help me be the person my dog thinks I am.” Well, there should be one that says “Lord, help me be the person Danielle thinks I am.”

My Crazy Sister- Kayla Mae (Peach)

Kayla has stuff. There is always something new happening in the world of the Kayla. She is the river, I am the tree. I stand and watch the river, amazed at all the directions it can take at once. I believe that because of this part of the Kayla-verse, she is also prepared to deal with my stuff. If I have stuff, Kayla is prepared. Let’s say I’m in a brawl—I could be going up against a 92 pound teenager who gives puppies to orphans for Christmas, or I could be going up against a 285 pound member of the Italian mafia—whatever my cause, Kayla’s got my back. She is all in. Once you get her, it’s all or nothing. Though we don’t share a bathroom any more, I’m happy to say that I’ve got myself a fully loaded Krazy Kayla to back me up.

My Best Girl- Audra Marie (Frodo)

She is the Frodo to my Sam. I am the Sam to her Frodo. We share one of the greatest bonds known to humanity—the bond that is absolutely and utterly unexplainable. On the surface, we’ve got about 3.2 things in common. Luckily, that’s all we need. But the lack of an obvious connection is a very important element in our story. We connect to make a whole. We are why god invented the teeter-totter. Yin and Yang learned its ways from us. Without Audra, I am a ball that won’t roll, I am a fork without a spoon, I am a chair with no cushion. A chair without a cushion can still be used as a chair, but what the hell’s the point? And what does she get from me? I fill the holes. Just as Frodo was the only one who could carry the Ring, Sam was the only one who could carry Frodo. Sure, she could make it to the fiery chasm without me, but there’s no way I’ll let her go alone.

My Wife- Lindsay (Weasel, member of the Trio)

Contrary to popular belief, Lindsay and I are not actually romantically linked. We are just madly in love with the idea of us. We have all BUT 3.2 things in common. You can appropriately sum us up through Netflix: You have 693 movies in common and 90% similarity with Lindsay! Have you ever had a conversation with someone in which you say “I didn’t think anyone else thought ______!” In our very first meetings we both said that numerous times. If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to have another one of yourself, let me tell you, it’s pretty fun. It’s a rare and unique experience to come across that kind of thing outside of the SciFi channel. It’s a joy to be able to share your passion in life with someone who loves it just as much. It’s like discovering that someone from across the world has the same fingerprints as you do.

My Soul Sister- Amykins (Red, Granger, member of the Trio)

Of the 90% I have in common with Lindsay, there is a mathematically problematic different 90% that I have in common with Amy. It’s Trio math. There’s 200% to each of us apparently, and we share it in odd ways. We have the Koolaid of friendships. You need 3 things for Koolaid. Sugar, water, Koolaid powder. Mixed together it’s a magical drink. Out of all the people that I consider my siblings, Amy and I seem almost realistic. We were simply meant to be, and we are complimentary. There is a melding that is purely a natural occurrence. Think—chocolate and peanut butter. We bring out in each other what is hidden from the rest. She is my sunshine; the warm rays on my face after a cold wind. I am the Earth, Amy is my sun, and Lindsay is my moon.

My Little Sister- Katie (Niblet, Pip)

If there was ever a little sister that needed a big sister, it’s Katie. If there was ever a big sister in need of a Katie, it’s me. She is a complex machine in a tiny body, which works in an absurd unison with my very simple machine. We learn from each other, as sisters should. I have 7 ½ more years of experience being alive so I try to impart my wisdom when possible; and Katie, well she tends to tell me stuff I didn’t know that I didn’t know. There is something very important about our sistership. We pulled the universe aside and said “listen here! We ARE sisters, we didn’t need you to bring us forth from the same mother, we have chosen each other for these most important positions.” When presented with an opportunity to choose one’s family, I highly suggest you do so. It doesn’t happen every day. I just happened to get a 2-for-1 deal and got a Katie with a side of mom.

***This list certainly doesn’t contain all of my sisters over the years and the miles.
I’ve had many more. But these are the ones that have the biggest piece of the pie that is my world. (My next installment of reflections will have to do with moms and grandmoms.) ***

Wanted: Tiger Buddy

I went to the Tiger Gold Rush tonight with Di and the fellas. Gold Rush is just a promotional thing to get people to come to the games and wear their Tiger colors. We have Black Outs as well, but I haven't been to one of those yet. The boys seem to like the games even if they don't always pay attention to what is going on. They like getting stamps on their hands and eating candy and popcorn, obviously.

However, the children can't always go to the games with me.
I need a (relatively) grown-up buddy for the Tiger basketball games and baseball games. Basketball is somewhat preferable currently only because it's not freezing in the colliseum. But when it's nice I am going to be very eager to be at Larks Park. It's no Coors Field, but it's baseball, it's about 4 blocks away, and I get to go for free.
I don't particularly like basketball that much as a sport but I like going to the games. I don't know any of the players here like I did in Arizona, which makes me terribly sad, but this is what I get for not living on campus I guess.
Surely there is someone willing to attend games and eat hotdogs and popcorn with me. I guess I'm taking applications for a new buddy so...if anybody knows anybody let me know.

Fifth school shooting in a week.

You have got to be fucking kidding me. Let me say that I am so relieved that these psycho idiots often shoot themselves when they're done shooting other people. This latest psycho seemed like a pretty good guy so I'm sorry for his poor family that he's dead, but....turns out he wasn't that good of a guy or he wouldn't have SHOT A BUNCH OF PEOPLE.

Things are not as fantastic as they could be in the world right now, I'm aware of this. However, this dumbass was at least fortunate enough in finances and education to be able to attend graduate school. Things could be a lot worse. So, was it that he just couldn't "handle" it anymore? I really hope not. Medication or not, if you think it's a good idea to shoot almost anyone, then you're an idiot and I hope you get run over by a truck before you carry out your moronic plan. Then at least you'll realize that things can get worse for you!

This isn't just a crazy big city thing either. About a month ago one of these people with nothing better to do with their time wandered into Nextech a few blocks away from my house, here in little ol' Hays. He might have had an attack of conscience, or he just wasn't that committed, because he let everyone leave the building and then shot himself.

So, to recap: former Nextech employee in Hays wanders into building with gun.
Let's look at this for a minute. We live in Hays. It's relatively mellow here. We don't live in the inner city of Detroit. Nextech provides me with my phone and internet, therefore they are good. I might be angry if they fired me but would I want to shoot them for it? Hmm...I don't think I would. I think that if I did want to shoot them that I would be a stupid, shallow, and possibly troubled person.

The moral of the story here is this:

If you are crazy, don't stop taking your medication. And if you have the following thought: "Man, I'd just like to go shoot those people!" You should go commit yourself to the nearest mental health facility where they will give you some juice and lock you in a room with no weapons.

If you just really want to shoot something, maybe you should go hunting and at least kill something you can eat.

Don't be a jackass and ruin other people's lives because you can't handle the world. If you only want to kill yourself then eat cake until you're in a coma or something. I don't know.

Happy Hallmark Profits Day

http://www.studiondr.com/cards/cards.html

"It's Valentine's Day and love is in the air.
It makes me wanna puke."

Happy February 14th.

On Feb. 14, 1929, the St. Valentine's Day Massacre took place in a Chicago garage as seven rivals of Al Capone's gang were gunned down.

On another note--From HRC.

In honor of Valentine's Day, I'm hoping you'll join me in signing the Million For Marriage petition.
I believe that ALL Americans, including gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people, deserve the rights, responsibilities, and privileges that come with marriage. Please, join me in adding your voice to a million voices raised in support of marriage equality. The petition already has more than 875,000 signatures – we're almost there! Sign now at:
http://www.millionformarriage.org

Eli Stone: Watch It

The show is brilliant. I say this with confidence after a whopping 2 episodes.

There are many TV shows that I love because they are awesome, funny, suberbly well made, and entertaining. But, few of them have made me laugh as much as Eli Stone has, especially in only 2 episodes.

Johnny Lee Miller is excellent, I have known this for a long time. He has the ideal comedic presence, along with an appropriate amount of coolness, charm and honesty, to be a great and memorable character.

The show is not only funny, but it's smart. There are times that interactions between characters could come off as lame or preachy, but they end up being hillarious while wallowing in truth and genuine humanity. For a show about a lawyer who hears things, that's saying something.

And for the icing on the cake? George Michael has so far been heard in each episode.

If you want a comparison think--Ally McBeal before it was lame.

If you want to catch up on the first 2 episodes, you can see them on ABC.com and the regular time I believe is 10/9c on Thursdays on ABC.

There are moments that are just wonderful, it's such a unique television experience. No kiddin'.

Some of my favorite quotes thus far:

Especially for Katie- "There's no future in existentialist ethics, so I got into acupuncture."

"I didn't come here for a theology seminar. I came here so you could stick me with a needle so that my life could stop providing its own soundtrack."

And the more meaningful reality check-

"Could be worse…you coulda spent 10 hours hidden in the back of a flatbed truck to come over here and get a job for 3 dollars an hour pickin’ strawberries in the 90 degree sun, 12 hours a day; turns out the pesticide the farm used made you infertile but that’s the least of your worries ‘cause that citizenship test you took was a fraud so they’re gonna deport you back to the country you risked everything to leave in the first place."